The Final Take with Parker Mott

2.5 Stars out of 4
(121 minutes)

Jane (Wasikowska) and Rochester (Fassbender): A romance on her own terms.

A film based on a Victorian novel like Jane Eyre is the best example of splitting audiences in two. For Jane Eyre lovers, I see them brooding in the darkness and stroking their chins with delight. The others who went for the romance will be scratching their heads. Because Jane Eyre is a romance the way Hamlet is a comedy. Traces of them exist but are squandered by a world unfit for such a genre. (continue reading…)

2 Stars out of 4
(101 minutes)

Nicole Kidman asks "Where's my daughter?" in a creepy scene in The Others.

Horror films like The Others are tough to review. You feel bad for not liking them. Its intentions exceed most slasher films, and are not subject to perverse mutilation in order for its audience to get off. The Others is a confidently directed film by Alejandro Amenábar, a Spanish director known for his later works The Sea Inside and Agora. His confidence here exceeds the film’s purpose here. It’s kind of a tease. All style over substance. (continue reading…)

2 Stars out of 4
(90 minutes)

I think I know what Spurlock is wondering here.

Morgan Spurlock searches for Osama Bin Laden the way Vladimir and Estragon searched for Godot. Like those two, what Spurlock seeks is not the answer though he’d like to find it. It’s a documentary where he travels across 8 Middle Eastern countries but really goes nowhere. The whole joke is Spurlock is not going to find Osama, because if he did what would he say? The film makes its point by accomplishing nothing. (continue reading…)

2 Stars out of 4
(126 minutes)

blood is spilt hard core in 13 Assassins. That may be for you.

You’d be a fool not to be reminded of Kurosawa in Takashi Miike’s 13 Assassins. A little dose of Seven Samurai there, and a head sliced off of Yojimbo there. Yet this film, a remake of a 1964 version, lacks any depth or discovery.

Where Yojimbo rediscovered the raw realism of the Japanese jidaigeki genre, 13 Assassins just spins the genre’s wheels. You have 13 assassins. None of them are very bright, bold or interesting. They work together like a barrage of stereotypical Sanjuro’s - the character from Yojimbo meaning Mulberry Field. I admired Kurosawa’s existentialism, wry humour, and precision in his films like these, but 13 Assassins lacks those beneficial qualities. Miike shoots the film very calmly, like an Ozu work, in the first half. Then he explodes into a Tarantino pyrotechnic in the second half.

I grant 13 Assassins has a terrific final showdown that brings back the rough and awkward fighting power of samurai warriors, whose presence in feudal Japan was disintegrating in the late 1800s. 13 Assassins goes for the tragic irony of Yojimbo and falls short. I revered Kurosawa for reminding us that this is not a world for the traditional samurai, but it may not be one for corruption and modernity either. So what fits? 13 Assassins doesn’t answer this question probably because it is best unanswered.

I found the film, though, exhaustingly generic and predictable. The final blood bath is incredibly shot and stylized but runs on for so long you feel the sweat. Miike is a talent and if you have seen Audition, one must agree he has spirited ambitions. Those seem repressed here in a film that cuts its own hand off and forgets to fix the wounds.

1.5 Stars out of 4
(107 minutes)

Vin Diesel rides shotgun next to Paul Walker in Fast and Furious.

What’s the plot to Fast and Furious? I can’t really remember. Not that it’s convoluted but that it is so very forgettable. I was lost in a daze and all I could think of were the cars. I mean they looked pretty cool. I went to Wikipedia, my faithful source for plot summary, and it was knee deep in explanation. I found a great line that distracted me from the synopsis: “This film [Fast and Furious] is also the first in the series to give more emphasis on American built muscle cars than imported cars.” That says it all.

The Fast and The Furious series are not really movies. In the traditional sense they are but what they represent, admire and dramatize makes them more like the cover to a real film. If you have a fetish for cars, gear up for this one. As you can see, they have “American built muscle cars” now! So purchase your ticket. (continue reading…)

2.5 Stars out of 4
(103 minutes)

Something wicked comes their way in Insidious.

If someone can tell me what happened to the second half of Insidious I might give the film a notch higher. But I refuse to be supple so good luck.

A film that starts like a Paranormal Activity and ends like a knock-off David Lynch work cannot receive praise but attention. I was not bored when Insidious derailed, but I was not exactly pleased. (continue reading…)

3 Stars out of 4
(98 minutes)

Morgan Spurlock enjoys a Big Mac in Super Size Me.

So does Super Size Me make you hungry or queasy? I’m not quite sure. It attacks the fast-food industry, in particular McDonalds, suggesting that America is the fattest nation in the world because of this kind of food not only tastes good, fills you up, and is quick to the table. It’s also highly addictive and physically harmful. In fact it’s so bad after one month of eating there 3 meals a day, documentary filmmaker Morgan Spurlock consumed 30 pounds of sugar. There’s something that will make you nauseous. (continue reading…)

2 Stars out of 4
(110 minutes)

Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler deserve better material given their chemistry.

It’s what you’d expect. A classic (I’d say redundant) Sandler comedy that starts and ends how it always does, wedged in the middle of a dopey plot. This is a hopelessly ambitious film. It covers two people discovering love through a scenario that – I could assume – would never generate such a thing.

The plot: Danny (Sandler), a plastic surgeon, uses his manager Katherine (Jennifer Aniston) and her children to deceive another woman into his heart. Let me explain further. Danny is known to be a slam-bam-thank-you-m’am guy when it comes to his love life. One day he meets the dime-a-dozen Palmer (Brooklyn Decker) who fancies him greatly. She soon assumes Danny is married when she discovers he has a wedding ring (which was actually used to goad the ladies) and is just cheating. This is where Katherine and her family come in. Katherine is now the divorcing go-go wife “Devlin” and the children are the kids who still love their daddy pathologically. This is a sick and silly joke. (continue reading…)

2 Stars out of 4
(122 minutes)

The chemistry is questionable between these two.

Old-fashioned nostalgia trips like Water For Elephants should not be this dull. It’s a tale that covers emotions from several poles: happiness to sadness, joy to fear, and love to hate. It’s a story of recollection, painted with a quaint texture of the old days.

It takes place during the early part of the Depression. Men are out of jobs, the pay is low, and people are in search of entertainment. The story is an anecdote told by Jacob Jankowski who, at an old age, tells a young employer about his past. Robert Pattinson is the young Jankowski who escaped to the circus when he lost his family in a car crash. He was a veterinarian student and when his parents died he did not achieve his degree. He joins a circus troupe called Benzini Brothers Most Spectacular Show on Earth, run by August (Christoph Waltz). August’s wife Marlena (Reese Witherspoon) is the equestrian star of the show. As you’d expect, a love triangle flairs. (continue reading…)

2 Stars out of 4
(120 minutes)

Reese Witherspoon and Paul Rudd in How Do You Know.

How Do You Know is a harmlessly bad movie. It tells a story, way too much “story”, about very likeable characters, going through a transition. They have no idea what that transition is but you wouldn’t be wrong to call it “love.” This love has put them in turmoil to the point they become loveable narcissists who cannot stop talking about themselves because they cannot figure out who they are and what role love plays in their life. They ask that simple question: How do you know? (continue reading…)